A parody of the gospel

Came across this (below) in a book recently.  It was written in 1947 by Dorothy L. Sayers as her impression of what most people thought the Church believed at the time.  (N.B. Sayers was passionate about the real Christian message and this wasn't in any way meant to reflect what the church actually does believe!)

Sayers' parody is funny and tragic for the same reasons - because it's so wide of the mark, and yet probably rang true for so many people. In many ways it's a damning indictment of the Church's failure to communicate - and perhaps also to model - what the Christian faith is really all about.

I suspect the only significant difference between then and now is that there are significantly more people now who would not be able to give any answers to a lot of these questions.  Unfortunately though, that's probably an improvement...

Question: What does the Church think of God the Father?

Answer: He is omnipotent and holy. He created the world and imposed on man conditions impossible of fulfilment. He is very angry if these are not carried out. He sometimes interferes by means of arbitrary judgement and miracles, distributed with a good deal of favouritism. He likes to be truckled to, and is always ready to pounce on anybody who trips up over a difficulty in the Law, or is having a bit of fun. He is rather like a dictator, only larger and more arbitrary.

Question: What does the Church think of God the Son?

Answer: He is in some way to be identified with Jesus of Nazareth. It was not his fault that the world was made like this and, unlike God the father, he is friendly to man and did his best to reconcile man and God. He has a good deal of influence with God, and if you want anything done, it's best to apply to him.

Question: What does the Church think of God the Holy Ghost?

Answer: I don't know exactly. He was never seen or heard of till Whit Sunday. There is a sin against him which damns you for ever, but nobody knows what it is.

Question: What is the doctrine of the Holy Trinity?

Answer: "The Father incomprehensible, the Son incomprehensible, the Holy Ghost incomprehensible" - the whole thing incomprehensible. Something put in by theologians to make it more difficult. Nothing to do with daily life or reality.

Question: What was Jesus Christ like in real life:

Answer: He was a good man - so good as to be called the Son of God. He was meek and mild and preached a simple religion of love and pacifism. He had no sense of humour. If we try to live like him, God the Father will let us off being damned hereafter and only have us tortured in this life instead.

Question: What is meant by the Atonement?

Answer: God wanted to damn everybody, but his vindictive sadism was sated by the crucifixion of his own Son, who was quite innocent and therefore a particularly attractive victim. God now only damns people who don't follow Christ or who never heard of him.

Question: What does the Church think of sex?

Answer: God made it necessary to the machinery of the world, and tolerates it, provided the parties (a) are married, and (b) get no pleasure out of it.

Question: What does the Church call sin?

Answer: Sex (otherwise than as excepted above); getting drunk; saying "damn"; murder, and cruelty to dumb animals; not going to church; most kinds of amusement. "Original sin" means that anything we enjoy doing is wrong.

Question: What is faith?

Answer: Resolutely shutting your eyes to scientific fact.

Question: What is the human intellect?

Answer: A barrier to faith.

Question: What are the seven Christian virtues?

Answer: Respectability; childishness; mental timidity; dullness; sentimentality; censoriousness, and depression of spirits.

Question: Wilt though be baptised in this faith?

Answer: NO FEAR!

Sex on Pandora

The best portrayal of a Biblical perspective on sex and marriage I've seen recently was in the science fiction film, "Avatar":

Pandora is a beautiful planet (actually it's a moon according to Wikipedia, although I missed this when I saw the film) with rich forests, inhabited by - among other creatures - a 10 ft tall race of blue-skinned humanoids known as the "Na'vi".

Jake Sully is a human ex-marine who is sent to Pandora with a mining corporation and given the use of an "Avatar" - basically an artificially grown Na'vi body which he can "inhabit" via telepathic link-up. These have been developed, partly because Pandora's atmosphere is poisonous to humans, and also as an attempt to gain the trust of the Na'vi, so that human scientists can learn more about Pandora and its inhabitants.

Jake's mission is to befriend the local Na'vi tribe and convince them to move elsewhere because the "Home Tree" where they all live, is right on top of a massive deposit of "unobtanium", which is what the mining corporation are there for. Failing this, Jake is to gather as much strategic information as possible so that the Na'vi can be evicted by force if necessary.

However, Jake quickly becomes emotionally involved with the Na'vi, in particular a female, Neytiri, who is assigned by the Na'vi to teach him their way of life. Jake and Neytiri fall in love and eventually have sex. In Na'vi culture though, having sex means you are mated for life! Fortunately, by this point Jake has also fallen in love with Pandora and the Na'vi way of life, and is happy about this as is Neytiri (although it does cause some tension with the rest of the clan and Neytiri later has cause to regret it, at least for a little while). I'm not going to go any further with the rest of the plot as this is the bit I want to talk about. To find out more you'll have to see the film for yourself (if you haven't already) or else read the plot summary on Wikipedia.

To me, this view on sex seems a perfect match with the Biblical ideal. It says in the Bible that a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh. This is what sex is all about. This is why Christians (well, I think most of us anyway) generally don't approve of sex before marriage. It isn't because there's anything bad about sex, or because there's anything especially significant about a legal marriage contract or an official ceremony, but rather because sex and marriage are - or at least should be - inseparable. Sex is the most intimate possible physical expression of love between 2 people and when recognised as such and given the honour it deserves, it forms a powerful bond - a bond that ought to be for life. I think Avatar illustrates this principle beautifully!